Memento Mori
by difficultheart
Summary: Shinjiro has been told to remember the dead, but when does remembrance cross into obsession? A new face joins the Shadow Operatives and former SEES members must face the past yet again in order to save the future. Set post-P4A. Multi-pairing, implied and explicit. Has an OC. Rated M for later content.


Memento mori. Remember the dead. In the years following their confrontation with Nyx, Shinjiro Aragaki had heard that phrase many times. He heard it in his Latin classes in college, read it in books, heard it in movies. But the only place that had really made the phrase stick was on the tombstone of their old leader. After her death, S.E.E.S. had become the Shadow Operatives under the Kirijo Group. She was given a small, quiet funeral. Only friends had shown up. They had quickly learned that she had been the last surviving person in her family. None of them knew where her family plot was, so Aigis had found a quiet hill with a cherry tree to bury her. The Kirijo Group paid for everything.

Even though Mitsuru had tried to make everything go on as it had before, they had all changed. Akihiko left college after a semester to train around the world. Even after growing so much, he blamed her death on his lack of strength. The rest of them knew her fate had been her own choice, but he continued to blame himself. Junpei had been very close to the leader, viewing her as a best friend and a sister figure. He took her death just as hard as Chidori's. For an entire week, he had refused to leave his room, and only emerged when Yukari knocked down the door and dragged him out. He still refused to talk about the leader, and got a strange, sad look on his face every once in a while. Yukari had spent months crying, set off by the smallest things that reminded her of the leader. They all avoided even thinking about her in Yukari's presence, afraid they would somehow trigger another crying fit. Fuuka threw herself into her school work and turned to programming in order to forget the loss she had suffered, creating new mechanical playthings for the Shadow Operatives out of the painful memories. Ken stopped talking altogether for close to a year, and left the Shadow Operatives once he discovered that her death had been reported as being caused by a sudden, serious illness. They only saw him every once in a while at her grave.

But Aigis, Koromaru, and Shinjiro took her death the hardest. Aigis dropped out of school and did not go back, focusing only on her purpose as an anti-Shadow weapon. Her humanity was slowly slipping away, and it scared her. But she didn't say anything to her friends, choosing only to push herself harder and harder, locking all the pain away in her mechanical heart. Koromaru stopped going to the shrine and spent most of his time on the hill, sleeping next to her grave and protecting it from passing strangers. Sometimes he would stay in Shinjiro's small apartment, taking shelter from the rain and snow and enjoying the food given to him, but he still preferred her grave to a warm bed. Shinjiro took her death extra hard. They had been lovers, after all, and he had been holding her hand when she had slipped away. He had carried her lifeless body off of the roof, had stayed stoic until his friends had all left and he was left bent over the freshly turned soil, crying like a child. He barely passed his classes, didn't throw himself into anything or enjoy the things he had enjoyed before. He only went to her grave or stayed in his apartment. The Shadow Operatives forced him into the field a few times, but he could never put his heart in it.

Akihiko had tried to get Shinjiro to join them when they went to retrieve Labrys, but he refused. Of course, he had been less than thrilled.

"You need to stop moping around, Shinji." His voice had been sharp and clipped, and Shinjiro could see the look of annoyance on his friend's face in his mind's eye. "It's been three years already. You need to move on. Come see the others, fight a little. It's unhealthy for you to stay cooped up in that little apartment of yours all the time."

"I don't think you should be lecturing me, considering the fact that you ran off to the other side of the world to beat the shit out of anyone who crossed your path to make yourself feel better." He regretted saying those words almost as soon as they came out of his mouth. But he was annoyed, and it was true. He wasn't going to sit there and get lectured by a friend gone AWOL. "You're just as bad as me, Aki."

There had been a small, tense pause before Akihiko replied, voice thick with anger.

"At least I'm going out and doing something about it. We're all sad, Shinji. But not all of us are throwing perpetual pity parties about it. Get over yourself. But you know what? fine. Stay there and keep her grave company. But if you keep this up, she's the only company you're going to have."

The dial tone cut off Shinjiro's reply and he threw his phone across the room. His entire body shook with rage, but deep down, he knew his best friend was right. Mitsuru and Akihiko were the only people who talked to him now, and even conversations with them were rare. An overwhelming sense of loneliness settled on his chest and he slid out of his chair and onto the cold floor. He pressed his face into his knees and balled his hands up into fists by his side. The past few years had been hard on him, but the sudden realization that he had lost his friends came crashing down on him and made it hard to breathe. After all of the progress he had made with her, he was regressing, going back to the way he had been before.

Curling in on himself, Shinjiro felt guilt rise up in his chest to join the weight of everything else. He could barely breathe, and he clutched at his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut. His voice as he spoke to thin air, hoping that she would be listening.

"Where did I go wrong? I'm sorry. You deserve better. I'm so sorry."

Koromaru pressed himself against Shinjiro as he shook with the force of the tears he was desperately holding back, offering him silent comfort. Over and over again, Shinjiro apologized to her, repeating himself until his voice gave out and all he could do was sit and wonder where exactly he had gone wrong.

* * *

_Everything is hazy. Where am I? What am I doing? I can't remember. The haze makes my head heavy. My thoughts are too fast to catch. I cradle my head in my hands for a while, fighting back the haze and trying to piece together the puzzle of my thoughts, my memories._

_But when I open my eyes, everything is shrouded by fog. My mind is clear, but now my body is stuck. I stretch out a hand. I can only see a little past my wrist, my fingers disappearing from my sight. What kind of fog is this? Was there some kind of storm? I can't remember. The haze is settling on my mind again. I stumble through the fog. Maybe if I keep moving, I can stay away from the heavy haze trying to curl itself around my mind. It's a stupid idea, but it works. My mind is clear, even if my vision isn't. _

_There's a strange sound in the distance. I freeze for a second before moving towards it. Maybe I'll get to an area free of the fog. it's a bit of a strech, but it's all I have to go on right now._

_How long have I been following the noise? It feels like hours. I can't tell, my watch isn't working. My foot catches on something and I fall flat on my face. My scarf slips. I panic. The scarf is important. It can't fall, it has to be just right, it can't slip it can't. I fix it. I try to find what has tripped me up once my heart stops beating a painful rhythm against my chest. _

_Something picks me up by the back of my shirt. Before I can react, I'm thrown a good distance, landing hard against a solid object in an area clear of the fog. Spots dance in front of my eyes. I can't get up. it hurts. I think I hurt a rib, my right wrist too. But I have to get up have to run_

_too late._

_I'm flipped over and when I land on my back, I'm sure I have a cracked rib. my wrist won't move. it's broken. I look up at my attacker and freeze. she has strange hazel eyes and bleach blond hair and her mouth is twisted into the strangest expression something like compassion and hatred at the same time but i can't tell. her neck. There's no scarf. i can see it it's right there._

_Me._

_i'm looking at myself _

You woke up? That's no good. I can protect you, but not if you're awake, Airen.

_how is she talking_

Go back to sleep.

_i try to get up i try to run but i just fall and it hurts it hurts so much. she's staring down at me, my other self is smiling and her eyes turn a strange shade and her feet are on either side of me i can't move i can't_

Go back to sleep!

_i can't even scream_

* * *

**A/N: **hi guys! So, this is my first Persona fanfiction. I know this first chapter is pretty shabby (read: it's pretty fucking terrible), but I promise I'm going somewhere with it and other characters will get a chance to shine and Airen will be explained more. Constructive criticism is welcome! Just please realize that this is only the beginning of the story and things will be explained later on.


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